Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Helicopter Parenting

As the issue of Helicopter Parenting becomes more rampant in schools, sports, colleges and life in general, opinions on the subject are on the rise and vary significantly considering the sources. Helicopter parenting is just as it sounds: parents hovering over and micromanaging their children's lives in each and everything they do. Some state this involvement as a good thing, as long as it is not along the lines of over-parenting, which is defined as "not letting your kids take the consequences for their actions, and swooping down to rescue them" (Aucoin, 2007, as quoted by Barbara Defoe). But, define one as the other and there may be trouble in paradise. Of course, being involved in your children's lives is a necessity of raising a healthy, mature, young adult; but, parents beware, being a helicopter parent may produce just the opposite of the above; a dependant, immature, whiny brat. And, as anyone can see from the sense of entitlement that some of the children from this generation have, helicopter parenting is a big problem that calls for immediate attention and remediation.
Helicopter parenting becomes a problem when a parent is so involved in their child's life that they write papers for them, make the sole decisions of what one's career or college major may be, do science projects or book reports on their child's behalf, bring their child's homework to school for them because they forgot it, or is constantly giving advice in problem situations, such as arguments with friends, that it hinders their overall development of decision making, responsibility and people skills. Oh, and not to mention the parents who involve ALL of their children in EVERY sport or extracurricular activity possible and make it a necessity to attend EVERY practice and EVERY game! But, are these examples just cases of parents living vicariously through their own children due to the disadvantages they encountered while growing up? If so, good for them for making better lives for their children, but do they ever stop and think how all of this involvement is running their children ragged and hindering them of developing important life skills of their own? This over involvement in extracurricular activities and sports leaves no room for the developing imaginations that are formed during free play. Even a three year old knows what play is and the importance of it in their lives. In the article, “Helicopter Parents make Kids into Prisoners" (Yahoo news, 2009), when asked what play was, a three year old was quoted saying "It's what happens when everyone else has stopped telling me what to do."
In the ABC News article "Do Helicopter Moms do More Harm than Good" a mother of two sons, aged 18 and 21 is described. She states she proof-reads their papers, makes them to-do list e-mails, balances their check books, organizes their schedules and does their laundry! When is enough finally enough? This is a perfect scenario of two grown men who are being “babied” by their mother and will ultimately make a miserable life for the women they will marry, if anyone is up to the challenge of filling Mommy's shoes. And it doesn't stop there! The mother, Ms. Lewis, was quoted as stating "...we don't know how to balance much of our lives yet when we're 18." This statement is basically telling her sons, and everyone else, that 18 year old adults are incompetent at making their own decisions and being in control of their own lives! This leads one to ask the pertinent question, when do we draw the line? Fortunately, The University of Vermont knows how to answer this question; helicopter parenting has become such a problem at the college level that they have implemented a strict "hands-off" policy (abcnews.com). Even at the elementary and high school levels, helicopter parenting might very well make certain situations more stressful. For example, a child who does not do too well on a math test may have a parent who immediately rushes to school to protest the grade. Due to lack of communication, the parent may be unaware that their child is just not interested in math, but is more interested in art (Krache, 2008). The act of the parent therefore creates a stressful situation not only between teacher and parent, but possibly between teacher and student as well.
Despite all of the negative attention helicopter parenting may be receiving, there are some aspects that may be beneficial to children in the long run. Because parents are so involved in their children's lives, this accustoms children to interacting with adults. According to an article published in the Seattle Times, "Helicopter Parents, Stereotype Challenged" (2007) children whose parents were deeply involved in their lives were "more likely to have after class discussions with professors...and are more likely to talk with faculty and peers about substantive topics." Although, the parental involvement did not show an improvement in grades; in fact, the grades of students whose parents were involved in their lives were lower than those students whose parents were not. According to the Boston Globe, helicopter parents are needed more now days than ever (Aucoin, 2009). Since adolescence is seen as a tough time for teenagers socially, emotionally and psychologically, and taking into account the current state of our economy, helicopter parents may provide the tools and financial assistance to help their children get out of sticky situations. Some also believe that helicopter parenting allows parents and children to develop close and lasting bonds throughout their lives. Other positives on helicopter parenting involve the parents always knowing what's going on in their children's lives and children being able to learn from their parent’s mistakes.
Whatever one’s take on helicopter parenting may be parents, students, teachers and coaches alike need to be aware of the consequences that may result from this type of involvement in one’s life. The above mentioned should also remember that the opposite of helicopter parenting is not negligence, but a healthy bond between parent and child that allows a child to learn responsibility by making their own decisions and taking the steps necessary to avoid mistakes and punishments later down the road.

References
Aucoin, Don. “For Some, Helicopter Parenting Delivers Benefits.” The Boston Globe, 3 March 2009. Web. 29 Oct. 2009.
“Do Helicopter Moms do More Harm than Good?” ABC News, 21 October, 2009. Web. 29 Oct. 2009.
“Helicopter Parents make Kids into Prisoners.” Yahoo! News UK, 29 October, 2009. Web. 29 Oct. 2009.
“Helicopter Parents Stereotype Challenged.” Seattle Times, 7 November 2007. Web. 29 Oct. 2009.

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